The Year of Moving Forward

The Year of Moving Forward
At our 4 person wedding reception in DC

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

When I get married, I'm gonna wear shoes

These sentences got me thinking.

***Note: I just wanted to clarify that I don’t hate homosexuals. I actually know a couple gay and lesbian people and they’re great folks. This, however, does not mean that I agree with their lifestyle choices.

This is part of a post from The Barefoot Bride, a blog about weddings, where the writer is being critical of this article from the Winter issue of Martha Stewart Weddings magazine. In the article, Jeremy and Andrew's wedding is featured, quite nicely I might add.

Joe.My.God created a post about it and then Homer did as well, so I might as well add my 2 cents worth.

So, back to the quote.

I just wanted to clarify that I don’t hate homosexuals. I actually know a couple gay and lesbian people and they’re great folks. This, however, does not mean that I agree with their lifestyle choices.

I am so tired of people claiming to like gays as they think its OK to treat us as second class citizens.

I agree with Homer's response:

My response: "Back in the 1960s a lot of Ku Klux Klan folks knew great Negroes too, as long as they kept in their place and didn't clamor for the same rights that the Bible granted White folks."

She also said this:

I may not always agree with the lifestyles and life choices made by all the people featured in every publication I read, but I do not appreciate picking up my favorite magazine to see photographs of homosexual couples being affectionate.

I grew up in the 60's, and while I may not specifically remember this, I bet there was a time when The Birmingham News did not feature photos of black weddings. And I bet when the first photos appeared, that similar comments were made and letters written to the paper by white Alabamians who were offended by seeing black people being "affectionate."

Homer said that he was taught that whenever he learned of someone's plans to marry that he should offer "congratulations" regardless of his personal feelings.

"The more I think about your blog post, the more I keep coming back to the very basic thing I was taught about weddings. When someone tells you that will be or have been recently married, the only proper response is "Congratulations." Anything else, no matter what you think of the situation, is just bad manners."

As for people that may know my partner and me but share the view that the barefoot bride holds, that we are "great folks" yet think it's OK that we be treated as second class citizens, I don't need you. I have enough friends that support equality that I don't need to waste time associating with those who look at me as less than equal.

And I will continue to confront you and your pre-historic views. If I choose to show affection to my partner in your presence and you are offended, that is your problem, not mine.

And if you (or others like you) are showing affection in public, or discussing your dinner plans with your spouse in front of me and my kids, then I have the right to discuss our plans in front of you and your kids. Like the other day when we were getting haircuts. My partner finished first, while I was still waiting among kids and adults. He told the person at the counter that he wanted to pay for mine as well, and she said to just wait until after my cut.

When I finished, he was in conversation with some people sitting around him, so I pulled out my card to pay. "You wanted to pay both of yall's, right," the cashier asked, motioning toward my partner. "Right," I replied, "but that means he has to pay for dinner," which started a whole conversation about how we do this each time and where to go eat and such.

Everyone who works there knows we are a couple, so the conversation was just chatter to them. The adults sitting there had to realize that we are a gay couple, and maybe the kids figured it out, or asked questions later.

My point is, people need to see gay and lesbian couples in public, not ashamed of who they are, acting naturally.

If we feel the urge to kiss in IHOP or snuggle for warmth while standing in line in sub-freezing temperatures, and you are offended, then that is your problem, not mine. If your kids don't understand then you are at fault for not explaining to them about the diverse world they live in, and you can let it be a teaching moment.

OK, I'll climb down off the soapbox and work on our own wedding plans. And when it happens, I will be sure and let the barefoot bride know. Oh, and we will both be wearing shoes when we marry.


lipscomb bohemian said...

we both wore shoes at our wedding i believe...i think we
and sometimes we kiss in front of people..
and we love you and bobby
some people...well..........
they miss out on a lot in life

Clif said...


I think that this is one of your best articles yet. Keep up the great work!

carol said...

I love you and Bobby very much. When you get married I'll be there to support you both. That is if I'm invited.

Marlow said...

You go dad! I completly agree with this article. It is one of your best. I love you and Bobby very much and I am love the way y'all are! And I better be at your wedding! I promise to wear shoes!

Joe said...

Thanks Marlow, but what if it's in Iowa? During tornado season?

Homer said...

I hope you have the rehearsal dinner at Hooters!!!